I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
