Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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