I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize