you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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