i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize