My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
