3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
