Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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