Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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