i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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