Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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