Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
