the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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