ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
