What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
