Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
