you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
