I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
