i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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