I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
