Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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