i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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