At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
