News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
