My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
