saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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