She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
