well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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