I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
