Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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