I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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