He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
