what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
