Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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