it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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