oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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