the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
