Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
