Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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