Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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