All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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