I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
