He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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