oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
