: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
