I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
