Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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