Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
