Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
