She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
