Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
