his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
