the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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