i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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