i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
