Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize