You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
