The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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