You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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