Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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