Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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