I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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