from now on my penis is your penis
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
