Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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