My friends, they love my intelligence
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
birth control should be required to get into college
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
