in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
