True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sober January is a disaster.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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