this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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