And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
