Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
