I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
