my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
